Eros, Instinct, and the Mature Feminine Body

Working in sacred sexuality I have a lot of women who as they get older feel their sexuality, their desire shuts down. There are many reasons for this but mostly its due to the threshold of a transformation that wishes to be made conscious.

There comes a moment in a woman’s life when desire stops responding to demand and begins answering only to truth. It is subtle at first, a soft turning inward, a pause before the body opens, a deeper listening beneath the surface of attraction. What many call a loss of desire is in fact a refinement, a sacred recalibration where the nervous system becomes discerning, intelligent, sovereign.

As the years pass, a woman’s body learns what safety feels like in her bones.It remembers where it was rushed, where it was required, where it was expected to perform warmth or pleasure or availability. And slowly, almost imperceptibly, it begins to close its gates to anything that carries pressure, emotional static, or the faintest sense of obligation. This is somatic and energetic wisdom moving through flesh.

Desire, in its true nature, is an opening toward life, it is responsive rather than obedient. It awakens through presence, attunement, slowness, and the quiet recognition of being met. With maturity, desire ceases to rise in environments where the body feels unseen or energetically crowded. It flourishes instead where there is coherence, steadiness, reverence, and emotional fluency.

After forty, desire listens first to the nervous system, It asks whether the space feels calm, whether the words arrive clean and unburdened,Whether the gaze rests without consuming, if the field allows her to remain herself rather than perform a version designed to be chosen or to shut down. This is the age where desire refuses to bloom in chaos becuase it requires trust, rhythm, deep connection and the environement to be truly seen in her bloom.

This stage of a womans life carries a deeper erotic intelligence, her body speaks to her very clearly, the womb is deeply coherent and her heart can and will fully open where the environment allows for her to thrive not survive. What once stirred desire through novelty now awakens it through safety, presence, and devotion to what is real.

It is an initiation, whether a woman is single or in a relationship her eros requires this kind of environment. When she stands alone, her eros still asks for this quality of environment, because desire is not dependent on another body to awaken.She becomes the field herself, shaping her days with rhythm, beauty, spaciousness, and care, tending her nervous system with gentleness and integrity. Through rest, creativity, touch, ritual, movement, and devotion to what feels alive within her, she offers her own body the safety and reverence it requires. In doing so, eros circulates freely, nourished by self trust and inner coherence, alive in her breath, her pleasure, her sensual presence with life itself.She becomes both sanctuary and source, teaching desire that it is welcome, honored, and already home.

An invitation into intimacy that carries depth rather than intensity, resonance rather than pursuit. It calls forth partners who know how to slow the field, regulate themselves, and remain present without demand. It calls forth lovers who understand that desire arises where a woman feels free to remain whole, where she feels safe, seen and apprecited in all ways.

This is the era of embodied selectivity, of desire that honors the body as oracle, attraction that emerges when the soul feels recognized rather than persuaded. What changes with age is not a woman’s longing for connection but what deepens is her capacity to sense what truly nourishes her.

And desire, faithful and wise, follows that knowing home. I have discovered this space in my single world, where Eros lives close to instinct, moving through the body as a quiet animal knowing that reads the field before the mind speaks, it rises from sensation, from breath deepening, from the subtle cues of aliveness that signal coherence and truth. Instinct guides eros toward what feels nourishing, steady, and life affirming, away from distortion and toward resonance. I have developed a deep instinct for what will nourish the environment I have created for myself and what will destabilise it.

In a mature woman, eros and instinct walk together as allies, tuning her toward environments where her body can soften, her senses can awaken, and her desire can unfold in its own organic rhythm. She seeks it, she doesnt shut down from it , hide away from it , nor does she avoid it. The instinctual eros carries an ancient intelligence that allows her to open her radiance and allow it to be felt, she is not in fear of meeting another through it because she knows when to wait, and how to remain deeply rooted in her own erotic , desiring nature and what will exalt it. Women are naturally erotic, sensual, alive in their bodies and they awaken eros again by returning to the body as a place of listening rather than effort. Through slowing their pace, honoring instinctual rhythms, and cultivating moments of sensory presence, desire is invited rather than summoned. touch becomes conscious, breath becomes spacious, movement becomes expressive, and the inner landscape is tended with curiosity and devotion.

By choosing environments, practices, and relationships that support calm, coherence, and aliveness, eros begins to stir naturally, guided by instinct and self trust.In this way, desire reemerges as a living current, responsive to truth, nourished by embodiment, and rooted in a deep relationship with the self. Women all deserve to create this inner enviroment of erotic living, the body is listened to:
Desire is allowed to move in waves.
Instinct is trusted as guidance.
Pleasure exists in breath, movement, creativity, rest, and connection with life itself.

This kind of environment can be created within a woman’s own life, her home, her daily rituals, her pace, her way of meeting the world. t is how eros stays awake, circulating, alive, even in singleness. And when relationship arrives, it enters a field already warm with presence, already fluent in desire, already anchored in self knowing.

Collette